I really dislike the word "can't". In fact I don't allow it in our house. When Joie wants to say "I can't", I have her replace it with the phrase "it's difficult". Because while we can do it, it can still be difficult.
I'm finding that most things I do nowadays are difficult. The simplest task takes so much more effort than it used to. everything takes so much more time. Most would think I have the ideal job in my situation, and while there is no doubt I'm blessed to continue work without interruption from my accident... it's still difficult. The chair hurts, especially just sitting in it. Truth is I'm usually good for 2-3 hours in the office before my butt is just on fire and my back aches. Then I typically have to run and errand or two before making it home to find some relief. I usually just want to lay down to release pressure, but inevitably within 10-15 minutes I fall asleep. Typically after that I have to get back up and do therapy, or workout. It's actually very important for my strength to get around and more importantly for my circulation. If I don't workout I get very tight and my hips, back and shoulders become extremely uncomfortable and painful.
I guess I'm sharing this because I think sometimes I paint an unrealistic picture about what I go through. I won't complain, I strive to be positive in all things because it helps me get through. I want to be that person to look up to by finding the good in all I do. But I think sometimes it makes my situation look easier than it is, like I recovered and moved on with minimal disruption. I feel I've made the best of it. However, it comes at a cost of feeling isolated and alone at times with my struggle because I push to keep it internal. I feel if I don't talk about it, I won't give it more power. So I strive to shine light and determination on everything I do. And while I feel good about the compliments and encouraging words from others, it sometimes makes me feel like an actor, a poster boy that has a behind the scenes story.
I will continue to be positive, It's the root of my success. I'm a fighter, and I will always fight. It's the responsibility I have in what has been given to me. I just urge you to always keep in mind, just because somebody has that priceless "can do" attitude... doesn't mean it isn't difficult.
