What started out as a rough day and evening was turned around with some spiritual music. I realized the self pity and low self esteem I was feeling was a quick attempt by the devil to bring me down. Cause in the midst of all of this he has his reasons...
Danielle and I lead a small group(bible study) through our church. Last spring we did a study based through the book "Sun Stand Still" by Steven Furtick. The idea was Steven, at a very young age, took the start of a church out of his garage in a very tough area to 2500 in a very short period. He was called to do the impossible through God, and prayed for a call to action that would in itself be as great as making the sun stand still. We were all challenged internally to have a sun stand still prayer and movement.
I prayed God take a deep passion of mine(Motocross) and turn it into something for his glory. I was quickly moved to change my way of simply trying to lead a prayer at the riders meeting before races to working towards starting a devotion time at the races. I was also moved to lead these devotions myself with some encouragement of others through our church and small group. I was having some pretty good success I thought, reaching on average 10-12 individuals and connecting with some younger individuals even outside of devotions. My prayer was slowly being answered...or so I thought.
You see my Sun Stand Still prayer was for God to do something great through my passion. But what I thought was great was just the beginning, and I believe the Devil worked his way to thwart this Sun Stand Still prayer with my accident this winter(which consequently came shortly after one of our devotion sessions). I'm sure he thought (or hoped) I would spite God for my accident and his lack of protection in my attempt to serve him, to Satan a quick turn to depression would seem a reasonable example and very human.
But through Christ my Sun Stand Still Prayer is now being answered, and the faith in him and his strength through this journey is something I can share on a higher level now. He has always been with me through hard times in the past and I have that same faith stronger then ever that he will turn this to his glory. Deuteronomy 23:5 (thanks pastor Hines) promises to turn these curses to blessings for us. He has strengthened my faith and justified my faith and reminds me of this in Romans 5:1-5(thanks Steph).
So tonight I was down, the devil tried to plant his seed. But a song reminded me of God's glory in my sun stand still prayer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PNTq_-mZs (a little girly, I know, but great lyrics). I have faith the Lord has a plan, and as promised in Matt. 7:7 my Sun Stand Still Prayer will continued to be answered, in his way and his time.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Transformation
Most know I was raised on a farm. Which created an attitude of "get it done" no matter what was going on, or how you were doing. Whether you were sick or injured animals needed to be cared for and fed.
Most who know me well, know I'm a bit of a control freak. I'm a bit OCD. I like to be in charge and have things done a certain way. I focus intensely until my goal is accomplished or the task is won. I like to know whats coming up, whats going down, and what the plan of attack will be.
Amongst other lessons God is teaching me to let go and be ok with it, although my internal is fighting all the way. I have a constant battle with myself right now. I'm improving which is good, but it's slow going and I feel like i'm stuck between two worlds, the healing and the get things back to normal and get your butt to work. I'm no energizer bunny. I feel really good, get active, conquer a workout and then about two hours later I feel like I went through a car wash without the car. I start to project my guilt on myself through what I believe others see of me. "You look pretty good, your okay now, life should be normal for you" is what I envision them saying or thinking.
The truth is as much as I want to be in control and set my own timeline for where I should be I'm not and I never was, much like our sport. It's like Nicole Kidman said to Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder "control is an illusion"(bout the only accurate thing in that movie:). As much as I feel lost at times with my limbo condition of feeling better but not yet healed, I have to remember that I'm not in control and never was. God has a plan, I have to remind myself that things will happen on his time.
It can be a struggle, cause financially things are piling up. Don't get me wrong I'm fortunate that my occupation still provides a paycheck in my absence, but that covers the normal bills in a good month, and I result in a lack of production right now. Not to mention all the new bills this situation has provided. It's easy for me to feel responsible(which I am) leading to a lack of self esteem in what seems like a worthless state at times now. The inability to even contribute around the house with minor household tasks to ease Danielle's load doesn't help either.
But I will try to fixate on the Lord and what his promises are, the truth is the future seems impossible and unconquerable at times. But so did the past, and he took care of that. He's gotten me to this point and he knows the effort I give and the position of my heart. Doubt is the other guy trying to interfere. I have to remember that he promises to give what I ask, as long as I work to seek he will let me find, and if I turn to him with a knock he will open the door(refer to Matthew 7:7) Thank you Lord.
Most who know me well, know I'm a bit of a control freak. I'm a bit OCD. I like to be in charge and have things done a certain way. I focus intensely until my goal is accomplished or the task is won. I like to know whats coming up, whats going down, and what the plan of attack will be.
Amongst other lessons God is teaching me to let go and be ok with it, although my internal is fighting all the way. I have a constant battle with myself right now. I'm improving which is good, but it's slow going and I feel like i'm stuck between two worlds, the healing and the get things back to normal and get your butt to work. I'm no energizer bunny. I feel really good, get active, conquer a workout and then about two hours later I feel like I went through a car wash without the car. I start to project my guilt on myself through what I believe others see of me. "You look pretty good, your okay now, life should be normal for you" is what I envision them saying or thinking.
The truth is as much as I want to be in control and set my own timeline for where I should be I'm not and I never was, much like our sport. It's like Nicole Kidman said to Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder "control is an illusion"(bout the only accurate thing in that movie:). As much as I feel lost at times with my limbo condition of feeling better but not yet healed, I have to remember that I'm not in control and never was. God has a plan, I have to remind myself that things will happen on his time.
It can be a struggle, cause financially things are piling up. Don't get me wrong I'm fortunate that my occupation still provides a paycheck in my absence, but that covers the normal bills in a good month, and I result in a lack of production right now. Not to mention all the new bills this situation has provided. It's easy for me to feel responsible(which I am) leading to a lack of self esteem in what seems like a worthless state at times now. The inability to even contribute around the house with minor household tasks to ease Danielle's load doesn't help either.
But I will try to fixate on the Lord and what his promises are, the truth is the future seems impossible and unconquerable at times. But so did the past, and he took care of that. He's gotten me to this point and he knows the effort I give and the position of my heart. Doubt is the other guy trying to interfere. I have to remember that he promises to give what I ask, as long as I work to seek he will let me find, and if I turn to him with a knock he will open the door(refer to Matthew 7:7) Thank you Lord.
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