I recently completed the competition of the Adaptive CrossFit Open. I felt very accomplished and learned so much about my fitness program. As I wrote in the last blog post it has reignited a passion in me that has refueled my competitive efforts. The relationships I have begun to build have been incredible as well. The CrossFit community has been wonderfully supportive and full of great individuals. It truly is a family in itself and has a community support that compares to the tightness of the Motocross community I have been a part of for so long(although I have no intentions of abandoning my MX family, props to my peeps!).
I feel really good about what I'm doing. I have been told several times of the way my actions have helped and inspired others. It is my hope to help grow the adaptive CrossFit community in the treasure Valley and hopefully the NW.
I think sometimes though people don't see the whole journey, and so like Mr. Harvey it is my intention to share the rest of the story. I feel like sometimes people see what I push myself to do in my workouts and have this perspective of me achieving something that would make my lifestyle at home simple in comparison. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
While the added strength does make some things easier in maneuverability there are still many daily struggles. For one, while I'm grateful and extremely blessed to have the career I do, especially in my current state, sometimes one of the toughest things is sitting behind my desk. It's comparable to a long car ride and the stiffness one feels at the end, sometimes I just ache. that's actually one of the critical components to my workouts, the increase in circulation and range of motion. It doesn't come without it's own added adversity though, with the lack of control in bowels and bladder it can create and added challenge I have to watch out for. I always have reservation in the back of my head when I give that added effort to complete that last pull-up or get that extra weight on the overhead press. That same exertion can often cause me to pee at the same time with the inability to separate the two.
The most frustrating hurdle I face is what I refer to as "the wall". Mostly because I don't fade into it, but go from 60-0mph as I completely face it at times in my life. It used to be I had a normal sense of managing my energy levels. I could feel fatigue come on and my battery would slowly diminish throughout the day and my efforts so that I could properly monitor my rest and activity windows to make sure I was properly recovering. Now, I don't know if it's just me or many paraplegics have the same issue, but I don't feel fatigue come on slowly. I can be running along(or rolling) fine and out of nowhere I will drop anchor. The ole body will literally just shut down, I will loose function, have no strength and have an incredibly difficult time maneuvering. Most times I have to concede myself to bed for about 24 hours to recover. If I ran myself into the ground enough, I also loose the ability to temperature regulate. I've gotten bad enough where I get the shivers for hours, regardless of the amount o bedding I pile on, and then suddenly without warning break into a drenching sweat. It makes me feel lazy and worthless at times to not hold true to my commitments when it happens because of the state of incapacitation I'm left in.
I think sometimes my new feats also creates a false perspective in my independence as well. I was reminded of a visual technique I used to use before I would go riding. I would often stand in the garage and dress myself for riding in my mind as a way to make sure that I wasn't forgetting anything. Socks, knee braces...check, pants, boots...oh, I forgot boots, and so forth. I often do the same thing now before transferring out of my chair. I run through a checklist to make sure I have everything I need when getting on my mat table to get dressed or when settling into bed for the evening. When I'm in bed or on my mat table and realize I HAVE forgotten something it quickly becomes a struggle between my independence and taking the time to get back into my chair and getting it myself. Do I simply bother Danielle or Joie to take a few seconds to interrupt their tasks and quickly grab what it is I need for me and do it in a 1/4 of the time. Or do I go through the energy draining, time consuming task of re-shifting my stuff out of the way, transferring back into my chair, taking the 20 seconds to grab what I need, roll back to the platform, transfer back out of my chair and proceed to start all over again with my task. Sure, I did it myself, but at what cost? There's also the guilt of knowing the added burden I put on both Joie and Danielle when I do ask them, knowing they have daily increased responsibilities already with my lack of assistance around the house. It's a constant daily grind.
While there has been some added attention and praise for my recent workout efforts, and the enjoyment of knowing and being told I have had inspirational moments for others to put their adversities in perspective, I would gladly trade it for an opportunity to be normal again in my daily routine like that(snapping fingers). And yet that's just not in the cards right now so there's no use in dwelling, but just a focus to strive to keep my head up, paint on the brave front and a contagious smile. While I wanted to share a glimpse into my battles, both physically and mentally, I don't look for sympathy, but simply a purer understanding of the back layers of difficulty a struggle can bring to someone. I know God has a plan and I will continue to look towards him and follow it. In the mean time, be grateful for those in your life and the help they give. Those that do there best to make your life easier with extra burden in theirs. Soak in the positive reinforcement others bring your way, and convert it to fuel your own determination to press on. Most importantly, I've said it before and will say it again, God is strong and brings me strength. We will see you at the box!
No comments:
Post a Comment